I realised something. I am becoming a weakling who want to hide somewhere to *emo/cry/whine/or whatever* when i face up with difficulties nowadays.

I finally understand why i don't always succeed in motivating or encouraging somebody else when they are facing difficulties too. Because the stress they are facing is even more scary than what i thought of.

The stress,thoughts of negative happenings,worries and the fear are over whelming. Words of encouragement are just like pain killers to ease the pain temporary,but the effect will soon be gone when you have to face the 'virus' again.
The feeling of not able to do something right or not able to acheive what i want is terrible. It seriously affect my mood,temper,attitude,confidence,stress level and everything.

I need a break before i get hold of myself and keep on trying again.
'Do what you are confidence in. Look into the finished one and not the unfinished one.'
Quoted from Kh. I shall treat this sentence as encouragement.
Kick away all negative thoughts.
Easily said than done. At least its not impossible to do that.

I'm not the only one facing these now. I believe others are facing them too.
What can i say? Lets work hard together! Oil is seriously in lack now.

想成为空气，
让身边的人没了我不行。
但相反的，
因为是空气，
才会被忽略，
才会变成了习惯，
变成是个理所当然。

A new blogskin. : ) And a new list of songs.
First song of the list is ''Wang mei gu shi'' by Wilber!
B2 thinks that it is nice too.
But B2 is addicted to Wei Lian's song recently.
Shall wait for Jay's new album and i already know who i can get the songs from. : )
And B2! How nice of me to mention you here again...

Anyway,handed up the ''crapman'' today. Finally! And it marks the end of markers render ( excluding the final A2 piece of course. ) We have inhaled alot of toxic ya? Smell of markers,spray mount,powder of pastels,zippo and whatever there are.
Do designers have weak lungs? Haha...

And tell me how truth this is?

Your Birthdate: December 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride. Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing. When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it. It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious. Your strength: Your warm heart Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions Your power color: Black Your power symbol: Musical note Your power month: February

And ya,thanks Raymond for the toblerone. I Have not start eating it yet and shall eat it soon.

Went out today to celebrate Veron's birthday. And the thought of being broke spoilt my mood but thanks god it turned out fine.
Photos can just make me smile. : )
Took 44 or maybe more than that of photos and i shall upload them when i am free to do so.
I doubt i will be free for this month anyway so take your time to wait if you wanted to see.
And the blogger photo uploading is so inefficient. I always get fed up when i am trying to upload many photos and the blogger keep giving me problem.

Received one email on 'birthday tree'. And my birthday falls under the 'fig tree'.
The description is rather hmm~~~ Well,it says,

Vey strong minded,a bit self-willed,honest,loyal,independent,hates contradiction or arguements,loves life and friends,enjoys children and animals,a social butterfly and great sense of humour,likes idleness and laziness after long demanding of hours at work,has artistic talent and great intelligence.

And i am speechless now. Brain shutting down and think of nothing to blog now.
And i shall turn in soon. A date with assignments tomorrow. Lol.

Markers rendering coming to the end after we are done with the 'crapman V2' ( and of course excluding the final A2 rendering ). Been spending alot of money on the markers ( 5 bucks each marker ). Futhermore,we need to purchase canson paper and cards. And the bookshop in sch is useless. No stocks no stocks and NO STOCKS. I don't understand why they just order how many they need instead of ordering alot of them to keep stocks?

So after a whole morning and afternoon lessons,we have no choice but to travel all the way down to bugis artfriend or artmark to get our stuffs. We are all dead beat when we reached home but we still have to do our assignments because the deadline is the day after the day when we have our assignment. Why we have such a short time to do? Because of an idiot who went complaining that we are having extra time to do!

What can we say? Block teaching is like that.
You can just go on complaining,hand up your work earlier than us,trying to drag us down and whatever you do,you are just killing yourself slowly. And we shall thanks to you that you pushed us to go further and the stronger ones to be even better. Because you don't bother to improve you work. You can be smiling at one corner and laughing at us in your heart to see us rushing out our assignment like mad ones. But it won't last long when you get what you deserve in future.

Anyway,my weekends are packed. Have to do my 'crapman V2',study notes because of an upcoming quiz,maybe the 'plastic' project when my help is needed and also to go for Veron's bdae celebration. Hopefully i am still alive after weekends.

So readers,if you bother to finish this entry or able to finish reading and not bore to death,happy to know that my whining temporary ends here. : )

天堂有路你不走，地狱无门你却闯。

Was looking through some photos in my folder. Saw alot of stupid photos that i took in secondary. Though it looks stupid but the times we had together are fun. Oh...i miss 4e4. :)

And i found a one and only photo which i took when i still have my long long hair. But i looked so sleepy in the photo because it was tooken in the early morning of class chalet. Haha. I miss the look of myself with my long hair. Going to let my hair grow long again now.



A sleepy look and was not looking into the camera.



Class photo taken on Ying Xi's birthday.

And I remembered very clearly that we created a 'chaos' in the canteen. We were celebrating Ying Xi's birthday. Everyone in the canteen were looking at us and i am sure theres a common thinking in their minds. ''4e4 so what! Best class can make alot of noise in the canteen and teachers don't bother.''
And some students from other class who hate us shouted back at us.
Anyway,we don't care and continue to make more noise. Lol.

We study hard and play hard too. : )

Feeling so 'alone' recently.
It is both good and bad.
Good in terms as i need not see and hear any nonsense. Some nonsense really gets on my nerves. And ya,i told myself that the world can never be square and so,more nonsense will be created.

Bad in terms as i can feel that i am being neglected and maybe sometimes,whenby people will decide themselves without asking my opinions on an issue and when they get their discussion results then tell me. So of course i can say nothing.
And maybe sometimes i just happen to be there when some discussions are on and 'shun bian' ask me for my opinions. So if i am not there,they will still decide on themselves.

Or maybe sometimes,they happen to talk about some things that they don't want me to know in front of me and one of them will try to shut the others up too obviously. But usually i will pretend not to see or hear anything. And i will wish that i am not there.

Not pointing out whose at fault now but in fact theres no one is in any fault. Perhaps i'm thinking too much.
Perhaps what i thought are correct.
Perhaps is me who cause misunderstandings or happens that i showed certain impressions to others in my way of expressing some stuffs in speech or actions which is not my intention.

There are so many perhaps,maybe and buts in my mind. No answers for all questions. So please,tell mi nicely when i am in wrong in some ways. I may not accept things of whoever you said to me at first but i will reflect on what is being said to me. I still know what is right and wrong.

Hopefully i am not trying to be emo here and being over sensitive towards some issues which some random thoughts manage to convince me in a negative way. I shall just sit still and observe further. At least there is a glimpse of hope which i wish for to prove that all my negative thoughts and feelings are all wrong.

Afterall,i may be just an attention seeker.

When thers an 'U-turn' sign in life.

The wonderful holidays are gone~~~No more slacking,no more sleeping long hours and no more daydream. Next holidays will be on Dec.

First day of school and i already feel like dying.
Due to the lack of sleep ( Serve myself right for chionging drama till 4am )or the stress and the workload given?
Shall catch as much sleep as i can in this month.
I am sure i am going to burn midnight oil for many nights soon.

Rendering which was given a beautiful and sounds-so-profound name as,product visualisation. And materials & its processes. Just one of the modules is enough to kill me. ( Choy! I must go through this block too! )
25 days excluding the last day of deadline,which is 24 days to complete this two modules,with so many assignments and projects.
B.T is not helping!

How long since i last studied and took exams/tests/quizes? Around one year ago?
AND! Materials & its processes have quizes! Which means we need to study as they are graded.

Every first day of the month which is the first day of every new block will burns our pocket a big hole.
Money flow out like water just to purchase those materials. I,myself felt heartache for my parents. The money they spent on my school fees and materials.
Most youngster just don't try to understand but they will know when they become parents.
Parents just paid to buy us a piece of certificate to offer a better path to brighter future and of course contributing into salaries of some people.

No point whining but it feels good to do that. : )